Coming home

After not being able to see you last weekend  I have been a big ole bundle of nerves and now you tell me you are coming home again and to buy a ticket!  My nerves are shot mister! LOL  But I would not trade this for anything in the world. I think about how easy this would have been if we were living together and sometimes it makes me grow impatient but knowing the progress we have made makes it ok and I love you just the same!

Day 82?

It's been soooo long since I have written a post here and that is only because we seem to talk frequently and my strength is growing daily to the point that I don't need to always enmesh myself in some sort of connection that makes me cognizant of my dedication to you- There is not forgetting now.   I love you more with each moment and I am still feeling like I am looking from the outside in because it'  so surreal to me that this is slowly happening with you and I. We are planning a future really, and it's wonderful!  I love you my King. I cannot wait to see you and I am praying from now until next week that this flight home is going to happen and we are going to be in each other's arms really soon!

Day 61

2 months down my love!  Hopefully only one more to go!  I have to say it has not been bad. Not at all!   I have been more than happy to wait on my King to come home. It is going to  be one grand reunion my love. I cannot wait!  Mucho, mucho love to you!  

Day 54,55,56!

Sometimes I can't keep up, and this is a rare instance.   I feel like I am somehow creating a disservice by not writing an entry every day, but I still remain focused on supporting you in every way possible, it's just sometimes things get in the way. Mainly, PMS!  I'm bloated, irritable, and waiting on my doctor's appointment Tuesday. A little nervous, because I don't want to go through what I went through before, alone.  Praying that my pains are nothing but pains. No cause would be great!

Isabella and I enjoy our weekend.  Olivia's birthday party where she busted the pinata. We watched the Dolphin Tale movie accompanied with some nachos and cheese, and then went to Olive  Garden where we pigged out! After that we went to Target and she got a new school skirt and some cute knee high  socks for the cooler weather.

We love you so much soldier, and await your return. We are behind you all the way!

Day 52 and 53

I'm sad, I want to hear from you and know that you are okay and in one piece. My fears grow when I don't hear from you. I suppose it's natural to fear losing someone  all the time. Especially in your line of work.

 There is hardly a moment that  goes by that you are not on my mind. I'm serious. You affect every aspect of my life and always present in my decision making. We have got some fun to be had in the future, my love. Holding on with all my might! xoxo

I love you more than I love me; please always remember that.

A

Day 50 and 51

Happy 50th baby!  LOL 50 days down and another day closer to you coming home.

I worry when I read the news. I don't know if you are still in Iraq or moved on to Afghanistan but I just read a story of an American being killed at the embassy in Kabul. What if it's you?  I have not heard from you since Friday and won't feel better until I hear from you again. Your work is so dangerous sweetheart, I can't imagine having death upon me every second of the day.  It kills me to know you go through this every day but I keep telling myself no news is good news.  Still though, waiting to hear from you love. Until then, praying hard.

XOXO

Day 49

When you love real, real loves comes back to you.

Nothing truer baby.  When real loves kills superficiality, a whole new world emerges.  You start caring for another more than yourself, you start looking for ways to make the other one happy, or to do things to lessen their fears and grief.  You want to be on the upside of things for them when  they are down. You just want to do everything you can they way they want.

Loving you honestly, has allowed me to see myself from a different perspective.  I see my faults but instead of getting mad at them  I want to correct them and improve for me, for us, for the kids. I am working on me and accomplishing things daily. Thank you for being not only my rock, but my stepping stone.

Watching a boatload of ArmyWives episodes tonight and awaiting Isabella to come home tomorrow. I have been treating myself to a relaxing day and will worry about housework tomorrow!

I love you soldier and thank you for YOU.

Day 48

Nothing is more evident than the power of love that exists between the two of us. It has surpassed all our doubts and questions. We have overcome the obstacles that were placed in front of us as we were tested. Our strength, both individual and collectively have seen the bad days to the door. We have ushered them out with our will and tenacity.  I look back and see it all as good hurt because it got us to where we are today.

I am your woman. Your stand up, faithful woman who promises to uphold you and everything you stand for. Do not worry nor fret of my circumstance while you are away. I will handle all that  comes in front of me and if I cannot, I will pray on it and watch it pass.

I love you soldier, I love you so very much. XOXO

Day 47

Sigh.

Oh my love, how I need you so much today. I've got the weight of the world on me and I can't seem to shake it. When people attempt to disrupt my flow AND are successful at it,  I get mad at myself for letting it happen. THEN, when I can't shake it, it upsets me even more.  I hope to get over it by sunrise.
I do not want toxicity in my life and I need to make a few changes.

Right now, I just want you to remain focused on your work at hand and not worry about me; which is why I have chosen to write this here and not in an email.

I am looking up tonight both to God and to the same stars you gaze upon when it's your turn.
Your love gets me through.
xoxo

Day 46

Your compliments on my other blog mean the world to me.  It has become my baby and now that others are taking notice it has me feeling really awesome!  Your pride is my encouragement, I want to always make you proud of your woman. :) You are just one of the many things that inspire me.

We just finished up with pizza and laying in the bed about to hit the lights. Movie is on, but I am not watching. Work was so so, just tried to get through it today, felt tired. Oh well, tomorrow is a brand new day!

My soldier, please stay safe and out of harm's way. I know it goes without saying but somehow my declaration makes me feel better. XOXO I love you.

Day 45

Each day I write to you, I continue to feel close to you. To some it may seem like I am delusional, but that is okay sweetie. WE KNOW, and are the only two people that matter, right?

I wonder where you are right now because I know you mentioned your locale would be changing but my prayers will not.  I will continue to pray for you and your team until I see your handsome face.

Isabella is reading to me right now and doing a great job! She told me this morning a little girl in her class called me a duckface. The J Rock said that wasn't correct and I looked more like a rat or beaver.LOL Thanks son!

Hump day tomorrow and a free weekend for me coming up, woo hoo!  I enjoy  the me time.
I love you  more than words my love. XOXO  Stay safe soldier.

Day 44

Sigh. My love, I am allowing myself to grow confused about what is and what isn't.  Is it my mind just playing tricks on me or is my usually perceptive self actually accurate?  Who knows!

I know that I would go through a whole range of emotions while you are gone and I must allow myself to get back to it's happy place. Remembering your smile, your boyish laugh, and everything else you embody. I love you sweetheart, still hanging in there just as strong and loyal, and dedicated. Just wishing I knew more sometimes. :(  I am your woman, your queen as you say. My world is yours and you are my world.

XOXO

Day 43

Confused about the unknown. Unsure of the past.  Does the past matter sweetheart?  I don't know.
I don't know how to separate your reality from my reality as it pertains to work.  I am trying to learn and grow in my understanding but today is this first day  that doubt has crept in my mind.  Maybe even a little sadness and fear. I am afraid that the truths that aren't told aren't because of your job but because of other reasons. I'm wanting to know a lot of things that I may never be allowed to know. How can I be certain in my confidence when I am not sure what I need to know, what I should know, and what I can't know?  I need some support. I need to perhaps find other woman/wives/girlfriends that are going through this as well. Where do you  find them??? The pool has got to be small. What to do if I think you have lied to me for reasons other than work??

Day 41 and 42

I have been doing what you advised me and watching those TV show episodes.  At the same time my questions are answered, I have so many more.  I am confident in your abilities and all that, but me being the inquisitive woman I am want to ask some permissible questions whenever you and I can talk.  I love you and continue to be the supportive lady that you need  while you are gone.

Isabella and I had a fun day today, just finished eating the stuffed manicotti that we made for dinner together. She made a picture for you from me. She is so excited to see you when you come home. I hope the love and light we provide you gets you through all those dark hours. Love you so very much.

Day 40! The big 40!

Well Happy 40th to us sweetheart. 40 days down. Sometimes the time  goes by fast, sometimes slow  but always in the right direction!

Had a funny dream this morning.   Had a dream that I was storing all my Christmas gifts in a storage unit and you were one of my gifts. :) Thank goodness I don't have to wait to unwrap you, huh? ;)

It was fabulous talking to you for so long last night, it made my whole week! Izzy is excited to talk with you again so I hope you call this weekend so the princess can speak.

Remember love, I am yours and yours only. I remain loyal, dedicated, and continually  growing in the right direction.

I love and miss you more than you will ever know. xoxo

Your Queen,
Angela C.  <<<<< I like it!

Day 39

I am so honored to be your lady. The things we continue to share across the miles are testament to our love and loyalty.  I am happy beyond measure that you have decided to take a leap of faith with me.   My prayers remain the same, but I think I will be praying a tad bit harder.  :)

We've got the cosmos aligning in our favor and all we need to do is to continue what we have been doing. We will get where we always knew we could get with our continued strength, our cumulative strength, and the protective covenant that God gives us.

I love you sweetheart... XOXO

Day 38

Often times I do realize that life is really about what you make out of it or what disposition you have towards it. The sun always goes down but you know what? It always comes back up. Just like the cycles of the sunrise and sunset so is life. It's up, it's down, sometimes it's brighter some days, sometimes it's cloudy; even when it is cloudy the sun is still there allowing you to see and guide you.  Our love is my guiding light. It allows me to flourish and grow but with you and with myself. This is some kind of wonderful and I am so glad to be a part of it. :)  I  love you soldier!

Day 37

Thought of a lot of happy moments today!  Smiled a lot today.  All that makes me happy is what I already have. You and the kids.  Anything else that comes along our way is just an added bonus! I am completely in love with you. My days are always great, my nights although lonely, are filled with warm thoughts, your protection and your spirit. I feel coveted and loved. I know I am doing right by you by providing, fidelity, loyalty, and security.  I know this is what you need and I will continue to provide it even long after you return from your mission.

Day 35 and 36

Yes, I forgot to post yesterday, first time since you left. You did get an email however so that earns me immunity from persecution, lol

Every time  I pass your picture I can't help but kiss it. Crazy isn't it? I only wish it was your lips that I felt. Somehow though, for that nanosecond that I close my eyes, I feel like you are here with me and everything is right with the world.

Soldier, I am so proud of your bravery and dedication. I'm sure like always, you shine everywhere you go. I tell myself that we are looking at the same sun, the same moon, and feeling the same breeze.. Whatever it takes to get by is what I do. That and the kids. You 3 are the most important beings in my life. I need all 3 of you.  Now and forever.

Day 33

America

The enemy knows not the unyielding strength of  her heart,

nor the fortitude of her pride,

not the abundance of her army

nor the swift justice

of our America.

The enemy can not besiege us

or take our freedoms, liberties or rights.

The enemy can test our  resilience,

but it cannot take our will.

The enemy may wear our fabric thin,

but our America will continue to  weave our dream.

Our America was built on our families;

a collective of beliefs and tenets

that forged our way to personal freedoms

and pursuits of happiness.

Whether in agreement or in protest

we all call her home.

Home is where your heart is and my heart

is here.

In America.

God bless ALL her children.

God bless America.

Written by me, inspired by you and all that you stand for.

I'm more than proud to be your lady, your support, your place to run to.

xoxo

Day 32

I am so blessed. So blessed to have the most amazing man in my life. Oh, how I look so happily toward the future sweetheart! I so often smile with thoughts of you and people tend to ask me  "what's wrong with you?" as if being happy is such a bad thing?!?!   Let them hate on I say! I  feel like the luckiest woman in the world and I will so own it. :)

I want to share a video with you. Although the entire song doesn't apply a lot of it does, at the very least it made me think about you, about us, about our separation. I love you so much soldier.

Day 31

Isabella says: uhhhhhhhhh. I don' know but I just want to type a letter for you because I like doing letters and I just want some money cause I want to do cheerleading yo!  Alright, if you are a person out there that has money, give it to me! And I will spend my money buying me clothes and buying me high heels and and and and and aaaaaaaand uhhhhh .... giggles..... I want to be a farm girl. And i wish I could just squeeze the cow's guts.

My, my, my she is quite funny with her random thoughts but I love her so much!

She is sitting next to me watching armywives and we are enjoying it! We loooove you more than you know. xoxo

Day 30

Day 30!  I guess that makes it officially one month and 1/3 down and counting! Assuming you are gone for just 3 months which is what I am so hoping and praying for my love.

I was so happy that you were able to speak with Isabella this morning. I know it brought a smile to your face to hear that cute little voice. Soon, when she is awake we can get her on  Yahoo to wave hi and blow kisses.

The video below REALLY touched me and makes me appreciate you and what you do so much more. My days are easy compared to yours and I will never forsake that again.  You are my amazing soldier and I support you and what you stand for 100%.  So very proud of you and not a day goes by that I do not count my blessings, one of the biggest being YOU. You deserve the best of me, and that is what you will get. I love you soldier. Hang on. XOXO

Day 29

Me and the little princess miss you so, can't you tell?

It's just a relaxing, lazy Saturday in the house today, went out on a few errands, did some grocery shopping and Isabella cooked dinner. Made some sweet and sour chicken over rice. She finished off with the doughnut she made me get at Dunkin Donuts on the way home from the grocery store, she got me on that one!

J-Rock just texted me awhile ago and told me they just came back from downtown Miami and are back at the hotel and probably going to dinner.  Now, we are just going watch some movies til we fall asleep later, it's only about 6 but I think both of us are kind of tired!  

As always,  I am thinking about you constantly, and counting the days until you come  home to your Queen. There is so much I want to share with you, things we've never done, experiences we've never shared together. Izzy is so excited!  I'm so thankful for you and your believing in us. Let's make this amazing! 

I love you soldier! xoxo

Day 28

Sweetheart. Let me put your worries down. Allow me to cast out your doubts and replace them with feelings of comfort and peace. Let's continue to move forward and concentrate on all that is good. I am so very proud of your accomplishments and am supporting you all the way. We should not let our fears rule us. Let's let love guide us and continue to pray  for joy, happiness, and contentment.

While you are away we have so much time to think, to love, and to hold on. That is what we will continue to do.

Stay strong soldier.

A.

Day 27

Well I am so glad to have heard from you today!

I am always finding ways to feel closer to you and although it may sound silly to some, calling your phone just to leave a message makes me feel connected.  But today? I call it and just when I am about to leave a message you call me! So amazing that at that time, we both reached out to one another. Think about that.  Let's check the math.  You been gone 27 days which is  648 hours or 38,880 minutes and at the precise minute we both picked up the phone and dialed one another. Better than the lottery to me!  I love you so much Daddy.

Jock is going to South Beach this weekend so me and Isabella are spending the holiday weekend alone but we will find something fun to do. Like I said in an email before, I wish you were here and we could cook out and what not.  I want to share every facet of life with you.  I want to make you happy and secure.  You've got me sweetie, and I've got you and that is absolutely wonderful!

I love you so much darling, and am so happy and proud to be your lady. Muah!

Day 26

Just plain missing you sweetheart.  I read so many  things in the news and it is probably best if I don't do that but somehow if I know what goes on around you I will know what's going on with you.  I don't know, some weird way to try and feel closer to you.  It is getting hard, the realization has set in that you will be gone for awhile and now I have to find things to occupy my time so that I don't think about the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm here and I am not going anywhere. You hear me? I am NOT going anywhere. I just long for you so much and you are so far away. No one can ever take your place. Not now, not ever.   I'm hanging in there too and I know I will get my Mike fix soon, it's just when I don't hear from you in a few days  I get kinda melancholy because you bring so much light to my life when you do contact me.

On another note, Jock set his goal to bench 370 today at the gym and he did, check it out babe!

We miss and love you so much Daddy.  Please hurry home to us!   Love  you, love you, love you. XOXO

Day 25

Time is ticking by, sometimes rapidly,  sometimes slowly.. like now. All I want to do is be laying  beside you.. silent, not saying any words. Just being in your space is the best thing I could ever hope to have right now.  I will hold on to the future, to my memories, and my pillow. It's definitely not you, but it will have to do.

Taking next Thursday and Friday off of work.  I just need a break from that place and haven't taken time off in awhile. I am going to go have lunch with Izzy on one of those days. We always have fun with that!

I'm quite tired tonight and it is already about ten but I had to write out a short entry. I love you and miss you terribly.

-A

Day 24

Mood:  Happy!

I think back to when I first started this blog, the day before you left and I was thinking of a title. It did not take me long to come up with this one and even today I say the "miles don't matter".  You could be 10,000 miles away or 2 miles away I would still miss you just the same.   My love will not change, my loyalty will not change, my feelings will not change. A soldier  needs the support, the undying love, and the conviction of his woman to  get him through his days and nights.  I am and will continue to do that for my man.
I have loved you for what seems like forever, and allowing that love to guide me has been the best decision I could have made.  I have felt myself flourish and come alive. I have embraced it and it has come back to me. I am so in love with you darling.

Today's happenings: The usual. I got word today that Jock will have an unofficial game on November 19th. I can't wait for that! The princess has just fallen asleep and I'm watching  listening to the television.

Dear Lord, Flood Mike's life with your love and protection.  Allow his days to be free from harm and danger.  Lord, give him the strength that it takes to endure during his mission. Lord, please make sure that you get him home to his family.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Day 23

Mood: Eh. Bothered.

I kind of hope you don't read this entry, it's not the happiest one, and I know you don't need any stress  but I have had something on mind the last day or so and I'm not sure if I should bring it to your attention to discuss or not for the next time we talk. If you read this one today or tomorrow, let me know. Otherwise, I'm just gonna let the wind blow it over and let it ride.  My main concern is that you remain focused on what you have to do while you are away.  I got you and I support you fully.

On a more joyful note,  I am missing you like mad and hope that you have looked at the pictures and video that I sent you earlier. It's meant to brighten your day love!

We are winding down after watching the Justin Bieber movie again and are all tucked in for bed. You are going to be up in a less than a couple of hours and if should be able to, call me. You know it doesn't matter the time. Anything for you my darling.  I love you my soldier XOXO

listen to the words!

Day 22

Lucky 22!  That's my number wooo-hoooo!  And I can say today has already been a marvelous day. 2 phone calls and webcam?  I'm sitting on top of the world love!  :)
I'll spend the rest of my day relaxing and reminiscing and looking forward to your next call later on.

Did I mention I got a $238 blazer (the tags are still on it!) for $5.99 on my little thrift haul today????  It's gonna look hot.. you know how I put it together..... That made up for the ho-hum chicken that I had. Guess I was craving it so much it just wasn't going to satisfy me anyhow!

Love you and miss you more soldier... Mama is forever holding it down over here. MUAH! XOXO

Oh!  And  I got the piece of cake out of the freezer and I am going to tear it up!!!!

Day 21

Your email meant the world to me. I love what you write and am happy to know that you look to me for strength and relief from all that oppression and danger. I will continue to strive to offer that relief to you, to bring if only a minute of joy to your life, or a smile to your face. I miss that face, I miss that smile. I miss those lips and kisses.. and  hugs... and... well you know. Hurry up daddy! 

Home alone tonight and probably the rest of the weekend. I'm sitting in complete darkness as I write but in complete peace and lost in thoughts of you. It's amazing where the mind can take you just by recalling certain moments in time, feelings that you had, feelings that you currently have, smells, touches.. all of that. It's a joy knowing that I can still feel you so strongly even so far away. You are the love of my life sweetheart. Truly.

  Still full from lunch; my friend Alba and I went to a  place called El Charro's and stuffed our faces. work was sloooow but only because I think people thought we were closed. Fun times to be had on Monday then.

3 weeks down. That's almost a third if you are gone only 3 months.  Sweet! If not 3 months, than it's almost a 6th but still going back fast to me. Every day that goes by is just a day closer to you my love. I'm ready to do big things! 

I love you more than you could imagine. XOXO

Day 20

Sigh. Baby, I know you must be so very busy, I really wonder if you have read the blog yet or looked at that pictures. Perhaps one day or when you return you can look back and read all the entries. If anything, it does help me get through the days and nights without you by writing.

Weather is a fury here now with Hurricane Irene just off the coast. She is supposed to bear down in the early morning hours, I just hope my fence withstands the rains and winds. Other than that, I have life, and love and my family. That really is all that matters.


Three weeks down tomorrow love, still counting the days til we are together again!   I love you so much.


Dear Lord,  Cast out every evil thing, every evil spirit that may come close to Mike and his team while away in enemy territory. Surround him with your strength and love and keep him away from the evils of man. Keep me strong in my loyalty and let our love guide me.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Day 19

Mood: Ambivalent

So happy to have heard your wonderful voice yesterday! Each time that happens I breathe a big sigh!  Getting emotional is hard not to do sweetie, I am not sad. I just miss you and my heart overflows with it all...

Lover, you are missed more than you could ever know. Wherever you lay your head at night I wish I could be right there.   Time is setting in now, it's been almost 3 weeks BUT I can also look at it as if it's almost possibly, a third of the way over! yay!

I have zero planned for the weekend, Isabella will be with her dad and Jock will most likely be at his girlfriend's house, maybe I will catch that movie I have been wanting to see  "The Help"... speaking of help, let me know what you need sweetheart, I am here for you. ALWAYS.

Right now, I am just trying to get our princess to do her homework and she is getting off task and doing cheerleading routines and model posing. Definitely my daughter!  LOL.  We had one one our favs for dinner tonight, pizza... Can't get enough of that sometimes.

I love you soldier, keep your head up and know that we are right here waiting for you to come home. XOXO
PS. This is what she was doing when she was supposed to be completing her homework: ( you see her pipecleaner project on the wall?)

Day 18!

Mood:Thankful

My love, I miss you so. My strength is not in question, but I long to hear from you. Are you ok?  Are you safe? I pray that you are and I am holding on to happy thoughts.  It has been a week since I have heard from you but it seems like forever. :)  Hearing from you brings about so much happiness and I always look forward to the next time we get a chance to communicate.

Not sure if you heard but there was an earthquake in DC and  VA today, about 50 miles from the house, and the Pentagon was evacuated. Yep.  There was a water main break on the second floor but other than that, nothing else reported. I am sure if you were home you would have definitely felt it. My girlfriend in SC said she felt it!

I've got Izzy in front of me doing her homework while I cook dinner. Jock of course is at practice!

Here is the picture from our little outing from Saturday!

We love you to the moon and back! (and then some, and then some plus infinity!) XOXO

Day 17

 Mood: Joyous and hopeful
  Hola mi amor!

Well the days are flying by as I count them. I guess they is some truth by keeping your eye on the end.  I am just so focused on prayer to get you back home and in my arms where you belong daddy! I thought about a lot of the upbeat songs that make me think of you and one in particular that I know you like.

This one never fails to make me think of you! 

I am taking advantage of some alone time while Jock is at practice and Isabella is with her dad celebrating his wife's  birthday... Just finished some boring housework and about to sit down and eat. Nom. Nom.

Today was a good, productive day at work and did I neglect to mention your lady again made lemonade out of lemons and handled her biz?!?!  You make me want to be better for us soooo much!   I love you soldier and await your call. xoxo

 

Day 16.

Baby, oh baby.. Isabella and I experienced the 3 B's today, and that's not Boo Baby Bubbles.

It was  BBQ, Bieber, and Bats!  YES baby.  I walked out on my balcony today and saw a bat hanging up side down and climbing on the shingles, in the middle of the day. And you know me, I had to take a picture of it. I have never seen one before except at the zoo. Wow!  I got waaaay to close to it to take this picture but I braved it and hoped he didn't
 move. Princess got a kick out of it but wouldn't go close. Yuck.  We went out to lunch today at Texas Roadhouse and chowed down way too much food, but had a nice time doing our mommy daughter lunch.. Then we came home and watched the Justin Bieber movie AGAIN!

Now that I have killed all the romanticism in this blog by mentioning bats, I would like to change the mood and tell you how very much I need you, love you, want you, and support you and above all miss you!  This is the longest we have went without contact and I have had to keep telling myself that no news is good news.  I'm adding the request to my prayers tonight that God provide me with some contact from you.

I wish so badly to be lying beside you, eating oatmeal raisin cookies, sipping on my Diet Coke, and watching movies together.   MUAH! xoxo

Day 15

Isabella is going to start out the post this evening!
hi it is Isabella  can you  come  to r house pppppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeee




Oh sweetheart.  I long to be in your arms right now.. Just laying my head on your chest and feeling it move in unison with my own heart.  I was driving today and I started crying because I miss you so terribly.  I want nothing more than to share some space with you..  I never realized how much those short conversations we would have in the morning meant to me.. Just to hear the words I love you, and the way you repeat them over and over " love you, love you, love you, miss you, miss you, miss you.." I replay it in my head.. Sometimes I listen to your voicemails you have left to find ways to connect to you..  Strange for a 36 year old woman?  Nahhhh.. I'm just so damn in love with you and will find those ways to get  through these months.

candid shot just now 08/20/2011 7:40 pm

Lord, give  us the strength to move through these times. Allow love to surround our family, provide the strength and safety to Mike as he continues his mission.   Lord, continue to keep our spirits lifted and keep us connected. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Day 14! Birthday in Baghdad.

 Mood: Celebratory on your behalf!

Well, well, well, what do we have here? Looks like the birthday boy is 36 today! (at least on Baghdad time) I know the place isn't ideal, the timing is waaaay off and the woman you love is thousands of miles away.  Spent HOURS making that video for you, from selecting the music, the pictures, adding the birthday cake surprise at the end... I hope that you thoroughly  enjoyed it  from beginning to end! It should not have taken that long, but having to edit my edit and then losing my info it ended up that way.  It was meant to lift you, to make you smile, and to know that although there is expanse between us, I am right there dwelling in your soul.
To say I wish you a happy one somehow doesn't sound right, but I do hope that you know that my intent was to make you feel loved.  I am your lady, we are your family and we will be right here waiting for you.

I look forward to hearing your voice again or getting another beautiful email.
XOXO



Your queen loves you!

Day 13

Mood: Eh.....

My love, my king, my man I adore you so.  Feeling a slight detachment from you but only because my high is wearing off from when we last  spoke. Why does 2 days seems like 2 weeks? Just hearing from you, getting an email from you, means the absolute world to me. I hope that when you get a chance to read this blog that you smile and receive much joy from it. That is it's intention!

It has been a mentally trying day for me in the 9-5 world,  but I am over it  now and glad to be perched on this king size with my 4 fluffy pillows and my Diet Coke. :) I know I will never endure the trying times you may go through and by remembering that it really puts my complaining about my "problems" in check.  I'm sure you would give anything to not have to worry about the things that are most likely on your mind right now.

One thing you don't have to worry about is your lady's loyalty! I am solid and assured that I am here to stay and waiting on you.  You have all my support and love for now and always. Keep making me proud soldier, I like to brag about you too!  And there is a lot to brag about you know. :)

Day 13 wasn't the greatest but after "talking" to you, I feel sooooo much better.  Almost 2 weeks down!  Love you so very much. xoxo

Day 12

Mood: The day got the best of me today


Hey my love! Home and relaxing now after a long day, glad to snuggle in and write you. It has rained every day here for like the last 5 days and it just makes me want to stay under the covers, maybe I will take a day off soon to do just that.  I'm so glad I have you to look forward to!

Fell asleep while writing this, just utterly exhausted, PMS time and not feeling great at all. :(
I did not have the fortunate happening of dreaming of you while that occurred but perhaps if I think about it enough, (as if I don't do that enough already) it will happen when I fall asleep again....

I love you so much sweetheart.

Dear Lord, put your loving arms around my love and shelter him from all that is evil. Let no man's malice and ill intent enter his life today or hereafter.  Protect him with your covenant of love and follow him all the days of his life. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Day 11!!!

Mood: Bouncing off the walls happy!
So happy to have heard  your voice today my love, words cannot relate how overcome with emotions that I am.  It feels like my insides want to burst!  I feel like running around the house full speed, giving the kids high fives and toasting some champagne! So much of my life is you sweetie.  I'm so happy to be your lady. All I want to do is love you and give you what you deserve.  What we deserve.


See.. I knew that the 11:11 I saw on the clocks yesterday meant something. Today is the 11th day you have been gone. Tell me that ain't divinity. God is good. It's amazing.

Dear Lord, please look upon Mike and his team as they go about their mission. Grace them with all Your goodness and protection and see that they maintain their strength and fortitude.  Divert the enemy from their path and forge light upon them as they go about their days and nights. In Jesus' name, Amen. 

We love you so much baby, so very much. I look forward to hearing you again. You have made my day and night!   Miss you too pieces. xoxo

Day 10

Mood: A little concerned.

Hello my love, middle of the night there and I hope that you are sleeping soundly as humanly possible.
I haven't heard from you since Friday night and I do hope everything is okay and everyone is safe. I long to talk with you, to just hear your voice.  I get teary eyed wishing that we could fall asleep on the phone together like we used to do. I yearn to be connected to you. If there is anything you need, anything at all, please, please let me know. I want to ensure that you feel somewhat closer to home, if that is even possible. Whatever I can do. I'm here for you.
Seems like everywhere I drive today I see a Hummer that looks like yours. AND for the last two days in a row when I looked at the clock it was 11:11 and 2:22.   I made wishes on all three counts!  I guess when you are living on faith that every coincidental thing that happens you tend to think it means something, LOL. Makes me feel like a schoolgirl doing that but prayers can't hurt, no matter the time.
I can't stop thinking of us baby. I can't stop being excited about us and for us. I'm here holding it down, supporting you,waiting for you and above all loving you so fucken much. ;)

Today's happenings: Same ole, same old. Work and practice.  Isabella is reading a book but it's her own story she is telling cause I do not think Justin Bieber is mentioned in the book  " Because I Love You." LOL  Such a doll, that girl.

I love you soldier.  xoxo

Day 9. Post 2. Godspeak.

My mother asked me the other day were my grandmother's handtyped poems were  that she compiled, some hers, some belonging to others.  I hadn't  thought much about them at all in the recent years.  A few moments ago, Isabella comes out of the closet with a box. In that  box contained those poems. I couldn't tell you what they contained if you had asked me. Then I started reading, almost fervorishly, flipping through them one by one, scanning in amazement.  The poems were written during WW2 and many of them centered around her beau, Stan who was away at war. (She eventually married my grandfather, Antony, in late 1945)   Some of the poems that I picked out at random literally gave me chills through my body, love. It's as if I am my grandmother 70 years later, writing to her love who was overseas at war.  Her spirit, her love, her hopes, are in these poems. What divinity, God was speaking, my grandmother was speaking to me baby. They were comforting me, uniting us. They know. I am going to leave you with one of the most profound poems, one in which the author could have been me.

I LOVE YOU SOLDIER. XOXO

Day 9

 Hi to my favorite guy in the wide world on the other side of the world!
I was hoping to get a phone call  from you today. I know as soon as you get the phone cards you will call me no doubt.  We will be here to lift you up and make you smile.  :)

Day 8. Thanks and Prayer.

Mood: Ecstatic 

I took this picture about a year ago or so I guess.

 I look like I have something up my sleeve don't I?  I know you love my smile so much, so I thought I would share it with you.

I find so much comfort in knowing where you are and that you miss me as much as I miss you love. I was overjoyed to hear from you again and have reveled in that joy all day.  I have a pep in my step and a permanent smile on my face.
My friend Lisa suggested I tell you that she says " Thank you for your service". It takes a a lot to do what you do and endure the things that come with it. In retrospect, it makes my own problems seem so tiny when  globally there is so much worse going on. I sent a prayer request to my favorite church today to ask the pastor to say a prayer tomorrow night at her service for you and your team. (as well as the family). I hope she does it. If not, well I will double up on my own prayer then! Won't hurt. :)

Today's happenings : Wrote a LOT today, messed around with layouts on my other blog, made a nice salad for lunch and just pondering dinner. Haven't heard from either of the kids but Izzy comes home tomorrow at noon.  I will probably pick up  J-Rock (wink) after I get out of work Monday.

I love you so very much soldier and I look forward to hearing your voice.

Day 7.

Mood: Happy,  but exhausted.

Your  birthday is nearing and I hate that you have to spend it in a war zone. My "thing" has been to always buy two cards for a birthday because I can never settle on one. So today after work while doing my grocery shopping I bought your cards.  I want to send them but I am still waiting on you to provide me with your address to get things to you.   My intent for now is just to send you a recording of me reading them to you, which I will do here shortly.
You and I have what I call  "The Notebook" kind of love. Full of fervor, passion, undying love.  No matter how many miles, how much space, how many weeks or months go by, there is no denying our  bond of love sweetheart. It's total rapture my love and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

You have to read this article. A soldier came home early from his deployment and wanted to surprise his wife. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I read it. Such a sweet, loving gesture. There is a video as well.
http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20110812/NEWS01/108120322/Air-Force-wife-gets-traumatic-surprise?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|Home

Today's activities: The usual; work.  ( I have been meaning to tell you something about work but I will save it for when you get  back). I did go see my old boss that I haven't seen in 6 years so that was nice, I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her!  Stopped at the grocery store on the way home and now have my feet up. My feet are aching from walking in these heels today, your lady must be getting old.  

I love you soldier! xoxo








.

Day 6

Mood: Uneasy

Hi my love!  I can't help it. I watch the news too much now. It seems like ever since you left there are reports  of Americans dying in combat. I know it is a critical time and I am still so proud of your dedication and strength. No news is good news though. I can only assume you are fulfilling your duties and will make time to write or call when you can.  You are my Superman and I know you will be coming home. :)  I'm just feeling a little anxious because of what I see on TV as anyone might be.

I really enjoy writing in this blog and do hope you read it frequently because there is going to be a lot! Every day for 6 months possibly?! That's 180 entries.  I just want to ensure you have some connection to normalcy and hope the love and concern  will transcend the distance. :) 

Today's happenings: Work, relax, and take Jock to practice. Isabella had a good day at school today and is completing her homework over at Clifford's as I type.  I'm making breakfast for dinner and might lay down a bit early because I have a headache.

I leave you with kisses, kisses, kisses and hugs.. MUAH!  I love you soldier.

Day 5.

I have looked at this picture so many times at work today that I just emailed it to myself so I could put it on my desk top rather than look at my phone so many times. You know what I did?  I accidentally  printed it when I thought I saved it. LOL  So one of my co workers walks over to me and said  "ummmm, is this yours? "...    I responded with "Yes he is mine, and so happy to be his.".
It was great to hear from you today, it reloads my strength and happiness every time I do. Just knowing you are thinking of me everyday makes my heart smile.  Whatever peace I can bring in the midst of it all I am more than happy to do so. :)

Isabella is walking around the room in my heels, dress, and her Hello Kitty purse playing Beauty Pageant.  She just said.  " Hello, my name is Isabella Ferguson and I am from Florida. I help people celebrate their country and give them my clothes".  <---- Our girl steals my heart every day.  By the way, take a  look at the shoes she had to rock with her uniform today! We love you SOOOOO much. XOXO

Today's happenings: school, work, home.  Not hungry for dinner so we are just relaxing watching TV before we go to sleep.  Very uneventful. Isabella goes to Clifford's tomorrow night for the weekend.

Day 4. Kem.

Where do I start? We both know how much we love music and how it connects us and our hearts.

The day we slow danced and you sang this song to me, I knew that is exactly where I wanted to be.  Maybe I didn't know it at that *exact*moment, but I knew that the way you held me, they way you sang so in my ear, that that was my moment to exhale.  That was love. True, die for you love.  From there baby, it has grown into something that I never even thought possible. 

I think about the day I met the perfect stranger, I think about us.
And I think about the day I got wrapped around your fingers, I think about us.
The sun was shining on you
The lord was smiling on me
And love was calling us I had my mind made up.

You remember that day sweetie? When we first met? I was so nervous walking toward you and I saw you and walked by... You came up behind me and whispered in my ear "You are so beautiful". WOW.  I will never forget that as long as I live. You looked so damn handsome. You even made me nervous.

You told me you loved me that day and I just brushed it off. If only I had known!  ;) 

 Today's happenings: Work, football, and getting ready for the first day of 1st grade tomorrow! Isabella is in the tub as we speak and dinner is cooking on the stove. Jock started filling out some college paperwork so he can be enrolled by September.  -----I love you Soldier. XOXO

Day 3

Whew!  My day has yet to end but I just sat down for a brief moment before I have to pick up Jock from practice. I heard it was supposed to be a tough day today.  I really can't even fathom that he is playing semi pro football, I know they don't get paid but I think it's so awesome!  I cannot wait to share those times with  you and since the season doesn't start until January, you will be back to root him on with me.

Isabella is all ready for school to start on Wednesday for the most part.  We met her teacher today and the teacher said she was so happy to see Isabella's name on her student list!  That girl is most precious, and loved!

Right now, you are probably just waking up?  Adjusting to a new time zone has got to be difficult but I know how my baby rolls. You will do what you have to do.  Damn it, I am SO proud of you.  It's always been the kids who have made me proud but now I have this amazing man, protecting his country, putting his life on the line every day selflessly.  In the words of you, I love you so fucken much!

I was most happy to get an email from you today, my love, you have no idea the happiness I felt! It was most precious to me and if I didn't control myself at work today I might have started skipping in the office. It  felt wonderful!  I will look forward to the next one.

You are the love of my life and I am stronger than ever sweetie because of you, thank  you so much.

As you read this, I understand  it's more like a letter to you, but these are my thoughts from the day, compiled into some public blog for anyone to read but  who cares. I wanna share my love of you with the world anyway, and shout it from the mountain.

Till we connect again.. I love you soldier. XOXO I played this song a million and one times today!

Day 2, post 2

I am going to find it difficult to not write more than one time a day! I don't want you to be bombarded with so many posts but there are always so many things I want to share with you my love. I'm going to be spending the night listening to all of our songs.. many of which we have played for each other over Yahoo chat. So many of them make me smile. So many make me think. Baby,  I love you so much. You know I enjoy connecting with you like that. I wish I was able to put you to sleep tonight.

I have played this song over and over and over.  It's "our" song, you don't know it yet but you've heard it. It moves me every time I hear it.     I love you more than me.  I will vow to love you through anything.

Day 2

 Internet News.
 The combination of my hypersensitive nature and my hypervigilence, reading internet news streams is not a good idea.  I didn't watch it as closely as I do now, but in less than 24 hours, 2 separate incidents of Americans being killed from the DoD have been reported.  It makes me uneasy until I hear from you, but I'm confident my man is just fine. :)
I've also been reading blogs and pages of women that have husbands deployed to get a sense of commune and understanding to all of this. I feel better after reading through them and actually in some way, it makes me feel closer to you. In your absence, I will grow in my understanding and strength.

My love, there is no one in the world that I would rather wait for than you. No one I would rather welcome home than you.

Today's activities?  Isabella and I are watching some Netflix movies and taking this Sunday to relax!

I love you soldier.

Day 1

I woke up this morning in peace.  As the time progressed toward the witching hour, my body started to feel funny, my mind was ok, but my body was manifesting all my emotions and I just felt off. I waited all morning to hear the call that you had promised me before you got on the plane and Isabella wanted to sing you happy birthday in that adorable voice of hers. I was ready, ready to let you know that I am strong, that I would not cry and that I would hold it down. Just wanted to verbalize it to you. I wanted to have the opportunity to let you know your lady is here to stay.  Wishing you well is something I wanted to say to you, not text to you. With this, I am left feeling confused and wanting to understand you. I know you don't like goodbyes baby, but it wasn't a goodbye. Your leaving is the catalyst  to the beginning of US.

With that, Isabella and I are headed out for our mommy daughter lunch and some school shopping. I'll make sure and take pictures along the way and post them here for you to see. I hope you can imagine being with us, laughing, giggling, and loving.


Almost one day down, I love you baby.

Addendum: I just read the newspaper and saw that 30 Americans were killed in Afghanistan today. :(

The night before Day 1

It's the night before.  Not before Christmas, not before a wedding, not before a vacation. It is the night before you leave for Iraq and I am a mix of emotions that I am trying to keep under wraps. How do I feel?  Proud, sad, sick, confident, indifferent, maybe even mad.  One thing I am not feeling is despair for I know that you will come back to me. I hold on to the memories that I have burned into my conscious and every little thing we have shared and all the things that we will share in the future.  I feel now more than ever, that it is my duty to give you all of me.. From the top of my head to my toes, from the top of my heart to the bottom, my mind, my body.. everything.
Your plane ride will be long, I know you will be focused on work and perhaps, every so often, I might creep into your mind and make you smile. Yeah, that's it, that one.The miles are far, the land so distant, but the connection that you and I have will endure all of that. I make my promise to you as I did earlier today. Me and you baby. No one else.
 With that, get your mind right. You've got a lot of things ahead of you.  I'm so very, very proud of you and your ambitions. You are my Superman and I am so happy that you are mine.

I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I WILL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU.