Day 52 and 53

I'm sad, I want to hear from you and know that you are okay and in one piece. My fears grow when I don't hear from you. I suppose it's natural to fear losing someone  all the time. Especially in your line of work.

 There is hardly a moment that  goes by that you are not on my mind. I'm serious. You affect every aspect of my life and always present in my decision making. We have got some fun to be had in the future, my love. Holding on with all my might! xoxo

I love you more than I love me; please always remember that.

A

Day 50 and 51

Happy 50th baby!  LOL 50 days down and another day closer to you coming home.

I worry when I read the news. I don't know if you are still in Iraq or moved on to Afghanistan but I just read a story of an American being killed at the embassy in Kabul. What if it's you?  I have not heard from you since Friday and won't feel better until I hear from you again. Your work is so dangerous sweetheart, I can't imagine having death upon me every second of the day.  It kills me to know you go through this every day but I keep telling myself no news is good news.  Still though, waiting to hear from you love. Until then, praying hard.

XOXO

Day 49

When you love real, real loves comes back to you.

Nothing truer baby.  When real loves kills superficiality, a whole new world emerges.  You start caring for another more than yourself, you start looking for ways to make the other one happy, or to do things to lessen their fears and grief.  You want to be on the upside of things for them when  they are down. You just want to do everything you can they way they want.

Loving you honestly, has allowed me to see myself from a different perspective.  I see my faults but instead of getting mad at them  I want to correct them and improve for me, for us, for the kids. I am working on me and accomplishing things daily. Thank you for being not only my rock, but my stepping stone.

Watching a boatload of ArmyWives episodes tonight and awaiting Isabella to come home tomorrow. I have been treating myself to a relaxing day and will worry about housework tomorrow!

I love you soldier and thank you for YOU.

Day 48

Nothing is more evident than the power of love that exists between the two of us. It has surpassed all our doubts and questions. We have overcome the obstacles that were placed in front of us as we were tested. Our strength, both individual and collectively have seen the bad days to the door. We have ushered them out with our will and tenacity.  I look back and see it all as good hurt because it got us to where we are today.

I am your woman. Your stand up, faithful woman who promises to uphold you and everything you stand for. Do not worry nor fret of my circumstance while you are away. I will handle all that  comes in front of me and if I cannot, I will pray on it and watch it pass.

I love you soldier, I love you so very much. XOXO

Day 47

Sigh.

Oh my love, how I need you so much today. I've got the weight of the world on me and I can't seem to shake it. When people attempt to disrupt my flow AND are successful at it,  I get mad at myself for letting it happen. THEN, when I can't shake it, it upsets me even more.  I hope to get over it by sunrise.
I do not want toxicity in my life and I need to make a few changes.

Right now, I just want you to remain focused on your work at hand and not worry about me; which is why I have chosen to write this here and not in an email.

I am looking up tonight both to God and to the same stars you gaze upon when it's your turn.
Your love gets me through.
xoxo

Day 46

Your compliments on my other blog mean the world to me.  It has become my baby and now that others are taking notice it has me feeling really awesome!  Your pride is my encouragement, I want to always make you proud of your woman. :) You are just one of the many things that inspire me.

We just finished up with pizza and laying in the bed about to hit the lights. Movie is on, but I am not watching. Work was so so, just tried to get through it today, felt tired. Oh well, tomorrow is a brand new day!

My soldier, please stay safe and out of harm's way. I know it goes without saying but somehow my declaration makes me feel better. XOXO I love you.

Day 45

Each day I write to you, I continue to feel close to you. To some it may seem like I am delusional, but that is okay sweetie. WE KNOW, and are the only two people that matter, right?

I wonder where you are right now because I know you mentioned your locale would be changing but my prayers will not.  I will continue to pray for you and your team until I see your handsome face.

Isabella is reading to me right now and doing a great job! She told me this morning a little girl in her class called me a duckface. The J Rock said that wasn't correct and I looked more like a rat or beaver.LOL Thanks son!

Hump day tomorrow and a free weekend for me coming up, woo hoo!  I enjoy  the me time.
I love you  more than words my love. XOXO  Stay safe soldier.

Day 44

Sigh. My love, I am allowing myself to grow confused about what is and what isn't.  Is it my mind just playing tricks on me or is my usually perceptive self actually accurate?  Who knows!

I know that I would go through a whole range of emotions while you are gone and I must allow myself to get back to it's happy place. Remembering your smile, your boyish laugh, and everything else you embody. I love you sweetheart, still hanging in there just as strong and loyal, and dedicated. Just wishing I knew more sometimes. :(  I am your woman, your queen as you say. My world is yours and you are my world.

XOXO

Day 43

Confused about the unknown. Unsure of the past.  Does the past matter sweetheart?  I don't know.
I don't know how to separate your reality from my reality as it pertains to work.  I am trying to learn and grow in my understanding but today is this first day  that doubt has crept in my mind.  Maybe even a little sadness and fear. I am afraid that the truths that aren't told aren't because of your job but because of other reasons. I'm wanting to know a lot of things that I may never be allowed to know. How can I be certain in my confidence when I am not sure what I need to know, what I should know, and what I can't know?  I need some support. I need to perhaps find other woman/wives/girlfriends that are going through this as well. Where do you  find them??? The pool has got to be small. What to do if I think you have lied to me for reasons other than work??

Day 41 and 42

I have been doing what you advised me and watching those TV show episodes.  At the same time my questions are answered, I have so many more.  I am confident in your abilities and all that, but me being the inquisitive woman I am want to ask some permissible questions whenever you and I can talk.  I love you and continue to be the supportive lady that you need  while you are gone.

Isabella and I had a fun day today, just finished eating the stuffed manicotti that we made for dinner together. She made a picture for you from me. She is so excited to see you when you come home. I hope the love and light we provide you gets you through all those dark hours. Love you so very much.

Day 40! The big 40!

Well Happy 40th to us sweetheart. 40 days down. Sometimes the time  goes by fast, sometimes slow  but always in the right direction!

Had a funny dream this morning.   Had a dream that I was storing all my Christmas gifts in a storage unit and you were one of my gifts. :) Thank goodness I don't have to wait to unwrap you, huh? ;)

It was fabulous talking to you for so long last night, it made my whole week! Izzy is excited to talk with you again so I hope you call this weekend so the princess can speak.

Remember love, I am yours and yours only. I remain loyal, dedicated, and continually  growing in the right direction.

I love and miss you more than you will ever know. xoxo

Your Queen,
Angela C.  <<<<< I like it!

Day 39

I am so honored to be your lady. The things we continue to share across the miles are testament to our love and loyalty.  I am happy beyond measure that you have decided to take a leap of faith with me.   My prayers remain the same, but I think I will be praying a tad bit harder.  :)

We've got the cosmos aligning in our favor and all we need to do is to continue what we have been doing. We will get where we always knew we could get with our continued strength, our cumulative strength, and the protective covenant that God gives us.

I love you sweetheart... XOXO

Day 38

Often times I do realize that life is really about what you make out of it or what disposition you have towards it. The sun always goes down but you know what? It always comes back up. Just like the cycles of the sunrise and sunset so is life. It's up, it's down, sometimes it's brighter some days, sometimes it's cloudy; even when it is cloudy the sun is still there allowing you to see and guide you.  Our love is my guiding light. It allows me to flourish and grow but with you and with myself. This is some kind of wonderful and I am so glad to be a part of it. :)  I  love you soldier!

Day 37

Thought of a lot of happy moments today!  Smiled a lot today.  All that makes me happy is what I already have. You and the kids.  Anything else that comes along our way is just an added bonus! I am completely in love with you. My days are always great, my nights although lonely, are filled with warm thoughts, your protection and your spirit. I feel coveted and loved. I know I am doing right by you by providing, fidelity, loyalty, and security.  I know this is what you need and I will continue to provide it even long after you return from your mission.

Day 35 and 36

Yes, I forgot to post yesterday, first time since you left. You did get an email however so that earns me immunity from persecution, lol

Every time  I pass your picture I can't help but kiss it. Crazy isn't it? I only wish it was your lips that I felt. Somehow though, for that nanosecond that I close my eyes, I feel like you are here with me and everything is right with the world.

Soldier, I am so proud of your bravery and dedication. I'm sure like always, you shine everywhere you go. I tell myself that we are looking at the same sun, the same moon, and feeling the same breeze.. Whatever it takes to get by is what I do. That and the kids. You 3 are the most important beings in my life. I need all 3 of you.  Now and forever.

Day 33

America

The enemy knows not the unyielding strength of  her heart,

nor the fortitude of her pride,

not the abundance of her army

nor the swift justice

of our America.

The enemy can not besiege us

or take our freedoms, liberties or rights.

The enemy can test our  resilience,

but it cannot take our will.

The enemy may wear our fabric thin,

but our America will continue to  weave our dream.

Our America was built on our families;

a collective of beliefs and tenets

that forged our way to personal freedoms

and pursuits of happiness.

Whether in agreement or in protest

we all call her home.

Home is where your heart is and my heart

is here.

In America.

God bless ALL her children.

God bless America.

Written by me, inspired by you and all that you stand for.

I'm more than proud to be your lady, your support, your place to run to.

xoxo

Day 32

I am so blessed. So blessed to have the most amazing man in my life. Oh, how I look so happily toward the future sweetheart! I so often smile with thoughts of you and people tend to ask me  "what's wrong with you?" as if being happy is such a bad thing?!?!   Let them hate on I say! I  feel like the luckiest woman in the world and I will so own it. :)

I want to share a video with you. Although the entire song doesn't apply a lot of it does, at the very least it made me think about you, about us, about our separation. I love you so much soldier.

Day 31

Isabella says: uhhhhhhhhh. I don' know but I just want to type a letter for you because I like doing letters and I just want some money cause I want to do cheerleading yo!  Alright, if you are a person out there that has money, give it to me! And I will spend my money buying me clothes and buying me high heels and and and and and aaaaaaaand uhhhhh .... giggles..... I want to be a farm girl. And i wish I could just squeeze the cow's guts.

My, my, my she is quite funny with her random thoughts but I love her so much!

She is sitting next to me watching armywives and we are enjoying it! We loooove you more than you know. xoxo

Day 30

Day 30!  I guess that makes it officially one month and 1/3 down and counting! Assuming you are gone for just 3 months which is what I am so hoping and praying for my love.

I was so happy that you were able to speak with Isabella this morning. I know it brought a smile to your face to hear that cute little voice. Soon, when she is awake we can get her on  Yahoo to wave hi and blow kisses.

The video below REALLY touched me and makes me appreciate you and what you do so much more. My days are easy compared to yours and I will never forsake that again.  You are my amazing soldier and I support you and what you stand for 100%.  So very proud of you and not a day goes by that I do not count my blessings, one of the biggest being YOU. You deserve the best of me, and that is what you will get. I love you soldier. Hang on. XOXO

Day 29

Me and the little princess miss you so, can't you tell?

It's just a relaxing, lazy Saturday in the house today, went out on a few errands, did some grocery shopping and Isabella cooked dinner. Made some sweet and sour chicken over rice. She finished off with the doughnut she made me get at Dunkin Donuts on the way home from the grocery store, she got me on that one!

J-Rock just texted me awhile ago and told me they just came back from downtown Miami and are back at the hotel and probably going to dinner.  Now, we are just going watch some movies til we fall asleep later, it's only about 6 but I think both of us are kind of tired!  

As always,  I am thinking about you constantly, and counting the days until you come  home to your Queen. There is so much I want to share with you, things we've never done, experiences we've never shared together. Izzy is so excited!  I'm so thankful for you and your believing in us. Let's make this amazing! 

I love you soldier! xoxo

Day 28

Sweetheart. Let me put your worries down. Allow me to cast out your doubts and replace them with feelings of comfort and peace. Let's continue to move forward and concentrate on all that is good. I am so very proud of your accomplishments and am supporting you all the way. We should not let our fears rule us. Let's let love guide us and continue to pray  for joy, happiness, and contentment.

While you are away we have so much time to think, to love, and to hold on. That is what we will continue to do.

Stay strong soldier.

A.

Day 27

Well I am so glad to have heard from you today!

I am always finding ways to feel closer to you and although it may sound silly to some, calling your phone just to leave a message makes me feel connected.  But today? I call it and just when I am about to leave a message you call me! So amazing that at that time, we both reached out to one another. Think about that.  Let's check the math.  You been gone 27 days which is  648 hours or 38,880 minutes and at the precise minute we both picked up the phone and dialed one another. Better than the lottery to me!  I love you so much Daddy.

Jock is going to South Beach this weekend so me and Isabella are spending the holiday weekend alone but we will find something fun to do. Like I said in an email before, I wish you were here and we could cook out and what not.  I want to share every facet of life with you.  I want to make you happy and secure.  You've got me sweetie, and I've got you and that is absolutely wonderful!

I love you so much darling, and am so happy and proud to be your lady. Muah!